A Parents Take on Rehydration After Vomiting

Sadly, it is flu season.  Especially the stomach bug.  Here’s the cycle.  Your child throws up.  You give them water.  They throw up again.  You take them to the doctor or the ER.  Things improve a bit.  Then the whole cycle starts again.  Virus, mixed with dehydration, can become a non-stop cycle of badness.

The doctors cannot do anything about viruses.  But, your child is still sick.

Here are a couple of reputable websites, talking about it:

Kids Health

Healthy Children.org

Scott and White Health Care

• Okay..so what do these sites not tell you?  As a 7 year vet of the flu, as well as a person who has been blessed with a great pediatrician, here’s what I’ve learned.
• If you’re in the cycle, you have to give the kid 30 mins before doing anything.  They will feel better.  You’ll want to rehydrate.  However, their stomachs won’t be ready for water.  It could upset it further.  Give them at least a 30 minute break.
• Even a three year old can take a gatorade/water mix.  Start really small..like a teaspoon (we use the little plastic glasses they give you with prescription meds).  Then a table spoon.  Then two table spoons.  We work our way back up.  The “shots” of 50/50 (gatoraide/water) can go every five minutes.  We use the stove timer.  It is annoying, but it has worked for us a dozen times over the last few years.
• If you go to an ER before trying the steps above, they will do a version of it.  Do the step above first.
• Ice cubes are like water.  Not tasty.  Very cold.  Overall, they’ve upset my kids’ stomachs.  I steer clear.  Gatorade (a flavor they like) and water mix seems to work the best.
• Aspirin is your enemy..it just makes matters worse
• The BRAT diet, once you get rehydrated is boring, but so worth sticking with until you are sure, really sure, you and your child are in the clear.
• You also should track their urination and tears for if things worsen.  I suggest writing them down, so you can remember.

Though personally not a medicine doctor, these steps are versions of the progression outlined by physicians. 

If you’re suffering through the flu, I am sorry.  Hopefully, these tips will help.

Dear Organizers of Kids' Activities and Sports,

Dear Organizers of Youth Activities,

I am so glad you spend time organizing events and activities for the kids.  Whether it is soccer, dance, hockey, flag football, Bricks for Kids, or t-ball, I appreciate all the effort.  I know you don’t do it for money (and if you do, my kids aren’t in your activity).  I know you likely are passionate about the sport or activity.  

Maybe even as a kid, you wanted to play the sport you run all day, every day, and twice on Tuesday.  That is cool.  I want my children to be as passionate about everything they do as you are about your chosen activity.

I enjoy you being so into it by bringing my kids to your events and activities.

I suspect that your kids likely were or are very into the sport you lead.  At one point of your or their life, they might have wanted to play all the time.  Maybe you were just providing what they wanted.

I’ve got some bad news.  Don’t take it the wrong way.  Think of it as a call to action.

Your passion can make you blind.  It can make it hard to see that if you force kids, if they want to be involved.  It weeds out the riff-raff, the kids who want to sample a bunch of sports before choosing their focus in middle school.  What you’re doing, though, is narrowing your scope too early.  Kids and their interests change.  If necessary, offer up the three or four nights a week, along with a weekend.  But, please allow there to be a rec option, where kids can keep up with your sport/activity as they try others.

For example, forcing third graders to take ballet (if they are going to stick with hip-hop or jazz) stinks.  Two practices per week with a game on Saturday stinks.

You're killing your sport.  You're killing yourself.  You're losing my kid.

I want my kids to run around the yard.  I want my kids to do homework (and not at 8 PM).  I want the weekends to do family things, and I don’t mean sleeping some Red Roof Inn outside of Akron for a travel basketball tournament.  I want to eat dinner with my family as much as  possible.  

I don’t want to pay a year of college tuition for you and your activity to dominate my kids’ lives.  

I just don’t.

You really shouldn’t either.

If you want the maximum number of kids to be varsity ready and interested, keep your net broad.  Even if people get pushy, keep saying, “I want the kids to be kids.”

Some of the kids will change.  Some will stay the same.  You’ll have a broader audience.  You can charge a little more for a little less work.  You can sleep more.  You can eat dinner with your family too.  Your life will be better.  So will mine.

Focusing too early, by all researcher, causes many problems.  Injuries.  No sports you can play for a lifetime.  Limited friends.  Bored easily.

Please, please don’t try to manipulate my emotions by telling me my kid is “accelerated” or “really talented” when he or she really isn’t.  My kids are going to make their money with their brains, not their bodies.  My wife and I have advanced degrees, not advanced experience in professional support.

Here’s what I would like you to do:

• Keep the total commitment for your activity/sport to two nights per week until 7th grade
• Partner with other activities the kids might want to try to allow the kids to try more than one activity per year
• Don’t make the kids travel longer than 20 miles to play sports/activity unless your location is EXTREMELY remote
• If you do have to do two nights per week, make the commitment durations six weeks or less
• Don’t manipulate me or other parents with untrue estimates of their kids’ skills
• Understand your sport will be better in the long run if you don’t burn younger players out in the short run
• NOT question my commitment to my kid if I don’t want to do what you want

Thanks for listening.

I look forward to a better tomorrow.

Kevin

Why To Run Fun Runs by A Dad Who Dislikes (Hates) Running

Though "hate" is a word my wife and I don't allow our kids to use, it accurately describes my feelings about running.  I don't dislike physical activity.  I like elliptical; I like full court basketball; I like soccer; and I like bike riding.  I don't like running.

Too hard on my knees/ankles/feet, too painful in my chest, no scoring, not enough ground covered (to make me feel like I am accomplishing something),  you name it, I have a million reasons.

But, I am running in my second fun run type run today, the Run for the Rolls, in Chelsea.  And I am going to be miserable.  Chloe, my daughter, won't love it.  But..we've leveraged 3 to 4 days of running and bike riding out of it.

Why do you have to do a race?  Like almost all things, kids/people engage more when there is going to be an audience.  If the letter is going to grandma or grandpa, careful spelling and letter spacing are used.  If writing is to be for improving for school in the fall (without the teacher seeing it), the writing is quickly and unenthusiastically done.  It helps to have a place to show the world the fruits of your labor.

Chloe was pretty tentative before our first race.  She was nervous about racing, as fun runs seem a little bit like a race.  She's been a dance and gymnastics participant; she only played basketball for the first time last winter (and we did not keep score for the first and second graders).

She had done a running club with a couple of cool teachers at school, so that is where an interest (amplified by me) came up.

She liked the dressing up part.  She liked the excitement of race day, as we signed up.

Once we were off, we talked; sometimes, we walked.

The last quarter mile, where a small group of people gathered (waiting for their 5K or 10K), she was off.  After finishing the race, she enjoyed the small gift certificate for a free ice cream cone, but she loved the ribbon.  She had accomplished something she didn't think she wanted to do.

Here are my tips for training:

• Vary it up.  Bike riding is cool.  Playing soccer for a half hour is cool.  As long it is running, it is training.
• Let the kids use headphones.  Adding "Frozen" songs to the training made Chloe like the running portion of the training.
• Praise the effort (not how fast, how smooth, or how well he/she runs)
• It's frosting for the adults.  I do my own workout in the early morning or at night.  I do not rely on training with Chloe 

I do hate running. I will all during today's race.  However, if I am willing to coach sports I know little about, I certainly should be willing to run.  And have fun doing it.

Halloween in August? Yes and Why

Do I complain about the over-commercialization of my favorite holidays?

Yes.

Do I sigh when I see Halloween and Christmas decorations out in August?

Yes.

Do I also make myself “part of the problem” by going out on Thanksgiving night to get fantastic bargains on Christmas gifts and other things I need?

Yes

I am torn on preparation, buying things, and many things regarding holiday celebrations.

Do I think you should consider getting your kid hooked up for Halloween in August?

Yes.

Why?

It comes down to the kids now being able and interested in designing their own costumes.  They have

definite ideas and that is good.  Before this year, my boys would take whatever (more or less) that was handed to them.

My daughter, though , always wanted very specific things for her Halloween costume.  This year, it is Elsa from Frozen.  The coolest part about the whole dressing up thing is that your kid can put his/her mind into creative ways to make their chosen character/creature come to life.  This year, that visualization did not align with whatever Target, Party City, or Costco had in mind.  One is example is my son Max's desire to have a Captain America shield to go with his Iron Man costume.

Guiding kids through how to turn their vision into reality is a great precursor to how to bring arguments to life (by thinking them through, using resources, and carefully assembling).  If you start this process in mid September, school will be in session.  It will be harder to get things.  Timelines will be tight.  Visions will have to be cut short.  Not cool.

So, this year, we decided to let the kids begin thinking about these things on the weekend before they went back to summer camp/pre-school (after spending a month with me, adventuring).  It worked great.

Backorders, difficulties, special requests, and other complications were able to be addressed.  For example, Chloe wants a cape/shawl to go with her Else costume.  Because it is August,  she can ask one of our extremely talented family members to help sew what Chloe envisions.  She wants little snow flake patches.  These can be identified and procured.  The costume can fulfill Chloe’s vision.  Nice.

We also can read reviews of the costumes (instead of quick buying in a store).  Max wanted to by a Skylander.  The reviews online said the mask was heavy and made it hard for kids to breathe.  We were able to steer him to a better rated (and just as cool) Iron Man costume.

It also leaves you time to think about how you decorate the outside of your house for Halloween.  Lights, pumpkins, ghouls, and goblins can all be a part of the drawings and plans.  Another avenue for the vision->planning->procurement->completion cycle.

Yes, is weird to be penning a column on Halloween in August.  I accept that it seems early to do it.  However, I want the kids to get used to the process of bringing what they envision into reality, so I think it is worth the acceptance of decorations out a little before I am ready to see them.

Form or fun: How to teach your kids sports

Basketball.  Hockey.  Soccer.  Baseball.  Gymnastics.   There are few parents who would not like their kids to be physically skilled and able in sports.  Maybe this is because parents see their kids as little versions of themselves.  Maybe it is because athletics are so important in many American high schools.  Maybe it is because many parents think they were just a little bit better than the coach thought and see their kids as a way to get it right.  Whatever the reason, it seems a certainty of raising kids.

It’s one thing for your offspring to be dominant in backyard sports and not to play official sports (for whatever reason: lack of interest, choosing another sport, and so on).  It is quite another situation if your son or daughter cannot play a sandlot game because they are afraid or do not know how to play.  Of course, there are a range of dispositions to sports in between.  Overall, every parent wants their kid to be able to make a hoop, score a goal, and hit a ball.

I’m sure there are kids (mine are not one of them) who have beautiful shots, wonderful swings, and slingshot arms.  For the rest of us, we have to teach our kids how to do those things.  Learning these things and how to do them consistently well can be pretty boring.  So..how should you do it?

The key is fun.  Fun comes with variance, encouragement, and making it into a game.  We’ll go over each.  then I read this..I now always try to praise effort, not outcomes.  Third, my kids never wanted to line up soccer balls and kick them into the goal..until I became the goalie monster and kept their balls out..now we can try to kick balls in every night.  Another side tip: the goalie monster has to allow goals.  It hurts my pride, but I do.  There has to be occasional proverbial pay dirt.  There will be a time when I can try hard, but not to start. 

First, variance means you increase and decrease the difficulty of whatever you’re trying to do.  If you’re playing catch, move further away and then closer.  Then, further.  Count the number of tosses, include a brother or sister.  Keep it moving.  Second, make a big deal about the effort.  If a kid is throwing overhand, encourage the effort (not the outcome).  It sounds a little soft and maybe a little too politically correct.  I thought it was kind of lame too..

Expanding on the fun..you gotta watch the sports on tv with the kids.  And on the radio.  This might sound like a desparate plea from a Sportscenter  addict.  It is..sort of.  After bath on summer nights, we watch some of the Tigers game.  On Sunday nights, we curl up in our mother in law room and watch Chris Berman et al go over the football highlights.  In the winter, it is hoops.  It explain the game.  We cheer our team.  As much as possible.  It underlines the point: this sport is fun.  I talk a little more about it in this blog post.

Eventually, though, it comes down to a basic question, what happens when your child kicks with his/her toes?  Or shoots two handed?  Or doesn’t put his back elbow up when he/she hits?  Or throws underhand?  Or catches with his/her chest?

My daughter, Chloe (7), wants to shoot with a basketball that is bigger than she can control and shoot with good form.  She DOES NOT want to use a mini-ball (like you’d see in a pop-a-shot) because we used bigger basketball s in her first formal basketball league last winter.  However, she cannot shoot the ball with one hand (with the other as a guide) with the bigger ball.  I had to choose: her pride or form.  I chose to let her shoot the ball.  I concentrated on her shooting from her chin.

In situations like this one, I think it is important to focus on skills kids can do well.  For example, Chloe can do dribbling and passing with good form.  She also can learn how to move without the ball.  I can teach (or reteach) her how to shoot later.  Fun first.  

However, there are still ways you can encourage good form.  Lighter equipment, larger goals, anything to make good form and success both attainable.

I’ve also had success with making things like races, monkey in the middle, and swat-aways the way to learn good form.   When I work with one, two, or three, I can do this well.

I think form is important, as long as the kid is having fun and can have some success, while keeping form.  Overall, fun is more important than form.  You (or a more educated coach) can teach the kids form.  They cannot teach them games are awesome and sports rule.

Modcontempern art museums for kids? Nah

I will admit I am not artsy, especially not visually.  I think Hopper’s Nighthawk.  I like various renderings of Yoda.  I naturally am interested in art that I understand.  I like to understand what the artist was feeling or the story s/he was telling.  Throughout the years, in various cities like New York, Boston, and Austin, I’ve tried Modern/Contemporary/Abstract Art Museums. In cities I’ve lived like Chicago and Ann Arbor, I’ve gone several times to get modern art.  It just merits a shrug from me.

The biggest reason, I think, is that I’ve haven’t ever studied the basic elements of art.  So, when I see a one foot diameter circle, drawn in pencil, over and over again, I think it looks like sophomore year Geometry class, not art.  I admit that.

I also admit I wish modabern art galleries and/or museums would give the viewer/visitor a little more. What is the artist’s story?  What is he/she trying to represent?  What was he or she feeling?

Emoting.  I know that is what I am supposed to do when I look at modern art.  I am supposed to look at the pile of laundry strewn across the ground and think of my responsibilities in life, the distress of the human condition, or the stench of humiliation the artist felt.  I can emote.  For ten seconds.  Then, I want to move past the post modern approach to art and get to the puzzle.   What does this pile of clothing mean to the artist?  What was his/her life like?

There just isn’t enough description.

I’ve also typically found people at abstmodary art museums to be snooty.  They don’t want questions.

I realize this piece might sound like sour grapes.  It might be.  Maybe there are great modern/contemp art museums.  I don’t want to over-generalize.  On the other hand…I have never experienced one.  I’ve experienced enough modcontemp museums to see some trends.  I’d just like to give fellow parents some advice, so they don’t have to struggle through like I did today…

You can see that I probably am not the best advocate of a modern art museum.  I do want to let me kids see, feel, and understand art and other things that are completely beyond me.

On a summer day, I took the three kids to MOCAD.  I thought modern art was a way to connect to the youngsters, who struggled with all the religious and royalty paintings at the DIA, would enjoy seeing paint/poo splattered on white walls in the name of art.

I was wrong.

When we got there, the entry person was very enthusiastic that I brought my kids.  She gave me a map and a warning not to go into the movie because it contained adult themes.  Great, I thought, that helps.  Then we went to see the art.  There were several people, as my kids charged ahead from what my daughter described as “someone scribbling on the wall” that gave us dirty looks. 

I felt badly for disrupting the whole bare warehouse feel of the place, I mandated everyone hold hands.  

However, it was hard to get into the “there’s no one else to blame” exhibit while holding hands.  I let the kids free.  Several people with nametags on started barking at my kids, who were trying to touch materials that should be touchable.  Like broken disk drives or crayons melted together or sketches on sticks.  No warnings on the art. 

The kids got scared.  I got mad.  First at the guy yelling at them.  Second at them for not listening.  Third at myself for bring the kids to a modern art museum.

I understand it is not a hands on museum.  The mad looks at my kids trying to get into art would not have happened at a hands on museum.  Or the DIA, for that matter.

It seems like if you want kids and adults to engage with modern art in a post modern way, you should let them touch the art.  Feel the art.  Emote? 

Right?

Wrong.

So, I forced handholding, as much as I could through the rest of the exhibits.  Some of which were disturbing.  Some of which were confusing.  None of which taught the kids anything about art.

Here is why I am not taking the kids to a modern art museum until they hit double digit age.

1.  I don’t understand the art
2. It is not self evident to my kids.
3. There is no help to understand the art
4. What the emote is boredom and wanting to leave
5. People are too picky that you might knock over their conglomeration of balloons with a dog-head mounted on the top
6. Everyone wants to shush the kids
7. It makes me be overly strict
8. Museums should be fun
9. In my experience, the modern art workers think kids should not be allowed into museums
10. They don’t learn anything.

Unless your home modern art museum varies from what I describe above, pick a hands on center, a history museum, or just look at some modern art on the internet.  Modern art museums=not for kids.

Vehicleshop Paradox: Minivan or SUV

You just had or are expecting your third child.  The sedan or small SUV you’ve been driving is now absolute.  The kids have to be in car seats until they are in their mid-20s, and all of those seats cannot fit into the back of your current ride.  You also have to take all of their things on big trips or

little adventures.  Strollers, bags, books, toys, and Ipads for long trips. It’s a lot of pure material to store.  You want to be able to get in and out easily.  Also..those groceries.  You cannot forget about needing to fit all of those and, in unfortunate times, the kids into your vehicle.

Mini-vans and SUVS really have merged, in some senses over the years.  SUVs don’t look quite as sporty.  Mini-vans (the few that are still made) look a little more like SUVS.  The delineation between the two has blurred.  But, saying these two are the same would make for a pretty uninteresting piece, right?  So, we’re going to start with the similarities.

• We don’t want the kids being able to punch, pull, or steal from each other.  I know when they are cuddly babies and toddlers, this may seem impossible.  With two 4 year olds and a 7 year old, I am enterally thankful they cannot smack each other.
• We need room in the back.  We have to be able to put all of the stuff listed above into our vehicle.  We need it be at least big enough to fit all our groceries.
• We want it to be safe.  We want five stars on crash tests.  Safety seemed like something only people who listened to NPR and drove Volvos  or Subarus cared about, until we all started listening to NPR or quietly began yearning for Volvos or Subarus.
• We want a nice sound system.  We will be in this van or SUV for extended periods of time.
• We want the AC and heat to work, no matter what.
• We don’t want it to be breaking down.  Sitting in a car dealership or other car service provider with kids is the epitome of the Poison hit, “Nothing But a Bad Time.”
• We want it to be stain resistant.  Stains come.  If they can come out, that is best.
• We need fold down seats so we can carry stuff home without paying for delivery

Your list might be longer.  Let’s say it is.  There are pros with each vehicle.  Each will be reviewed below.

Mini-van Positives

• Generally cheaper
• Bigger
• Can have extra storage systems like “stow and go”
• Fit more people and things into them
• Called “great deal” by people like Consumer Reports
• 25 mpg
• Available sliding doors with remotes

I should mention one thing I found confusing about Consumer Reports lists, as I was making this decision for myself a few years back.  If you just look up “minivan ratings,” what you will get is consumer reports or another similar publication talking about how good the car looks, price, safety, and “predicted” reliability.

Though those are informative, what I really wanted to know, especially after suffering through a minivan I had into the shop every month after my first year of ownership.  In fact, there is a list of “do not buy” or “worst used” vehicles.  Frequent visitor :  mini-vans.

When you think about it, minivans are not quite a truck (rugged) and not exactly a car (nimble, compact).  It is something in between.  There is less competition in the market too, since Ford and GM really don’t produce one any more.  Less competition may mean less quality and reliability.

As someone who has owned both, I can tell you that I never wanted to be driving our Town and County in the snow.  It went through tires like a race car.  It also skidded and slid.  But..the kids have to get to school every day.  I had to go to my job.  I had to drive the van in bad weather conditions.  I hated it.

Minivans do give you a lot of vehicle for the money, offer better MPG, and more room.  They also give you the opportunity to show that the style of your car doesn’t define you as a parent.  This shows strong moral character and models for your kids that externals don’t matter.   I felt like this was a good lesson when I owned a mini-van.

SUVs definitely have some downside.  They are typically are more expensive up front.  They get lower MPG.  They do have some positives, though.

• Positives of SUVs:
• Especially AWD handle well in the snow
• Safe in accidents
• Seem to more typically contain at least mediocre sound systems
• Generally more reliable (fewer issues with internal and external systems with the car)
• Generally more available features
• Maintain value better

If we got five parents into the room, we likely could debate this until we all were blue in the face.  Much like many decisions in parenting, you have to prioritize what you care about, make your decision, and then be happy with what you decide. My preference is with the SUV....fewer headaches, better features, generally a better experience for our family.

Please leave comments if you’d like me to add to the article.

Finding Books For Boys (with ease)

When I had my first child, I thought that the library was made for me.  The books featured above the shelves fit her interests.  If it was a reach or a guess, I always seemed to get it right.  Then, I had boys.  There were very few books outside of Thomas and Caillou.  Neither of them were real favorites.

I’ve staggered along; I’ve begun to ask why?  One easy reason:  Most librarian are women.  In fact, in 2011, the number was 81% of librarians were women.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a male working behind the children’s desk area in my own library.  To be fair, many of the protagonists of books are male (Curious George, Babar, Peter Rabbit).  In fact, only 31% of books have protagonists that are female.  Maybe the librarians are overcompensating?

A British study found that 59% of children’s books are written by women.  This fact was related to the reading gap between male and female primary school children.

I’ve done web searches.  I’ve asked friends with boys. 

Some of my friends implied that reading was for girls.  Boys are supposed to be outside, rough housing and hitting each other with sticks.  Though there is a fair amount of that in our family, it seems like there should be some balance.  Some literacy some reading.

So, we went through easy readers with all of the superheroes and Star Wars.  Batman, Superman, Super Friends, Flash, and Anakin Skywalker.  However, those were exhausted by spring of the twins’ fourth year of having books read to them.  Now what?

I did what I should have done to start, I asked a librarian.  She bristled at my implication that all the featured books were for girls, but she showed me how to use an advanced search.

In our home library, it looks like this:

Okay..so, I switched the category to “words or phrases.”  The librarian explained that titles, authors, and subjects are strictly enforced by the Library of Congress.  This hurts when you generally are looking for books about trucks or trains or racing cars or super heroes.

I also had to switch the item type to “juvenile books” to ensure I was getting Dale Earnhart Jr’s autobiography.

So, I hit the search button and found 50 entries.

I doubt any of these truck books ever will be featured on the top of the shelf for all to see.  I don’t care, though, I’ve figured out how to find books for my kids.  I’ve also used it to find specialized books for Chloe, now that I know how to use the system.

Seems simple enough.  It is.  I just had to learn how to do it.  Each local library may have a different approach to finding books, but it can personalize reading for all your kids!

What To Do About College Savings

Part of What To Do With Kids is figuring out how much to save for their college funds.  Much of what I say below, about increases in college costs, is based on research from the College Board.  Before getting started, I want to make clear that I am a high school principal, so I work with students on college funding every year.  Right now, in Michigan, the top public university is about $25,000 per year (cost of attendance, which includes room, board, eating, driving home, and so on).  My daughter will be in the class of 2025.  I went on the MEFA site to see how much it would cost to go to college when my daughter gets there (in 2025).  I am pasting the results below.

Okay, I thought.  A cool $41,000 per year, raising up to $45,000 in her senior year.  Maybe I need Michigan data.  So, I found some Michigan data.  It is pasted below.

Wow…I’ve thought that this was crazy as a principal, but now I see I will need approximately $200,000 total for my daughter to attend 4 years at the University of Michigan.  If she needs 5 years, it will be $250,000.  For all three kids, I am looking at approximately $600,000 of costs.  To make that happen, I would need to save about $2100 per month to fully fund college.

Ouch.  We could talk about why college costs are going up.  Time’s done several studies on it..here’s one.  Then there was this locally in Michigan about college administrators giving themselves massive bonuses for just doing their jobs..here is an inflammatory article about it.  Here’s the sad facts.

Professors are not making more money.  College degrees are worth less.  Question is…where is all the money going?  In conversations with dozens of college professors over the last decade, it comes down to two things.  1.)  Administrative jobs and administrative salaries.  While the rest of the world was hunkering down, trimming their administrative staff, colleges continued to raise tuition and hire more administrative support to make their jobs easier.  If “The Office” was a college, Dwight Shrute would have an assistant to the assistant to his assistant branch manager job.  He would just have to sign papers and play Candy Crush Saga.  The assistants to his assistant would do his work for him.  2.)  Facilities- whether it is a student recreation center, a new basketball arena, or a new lab building, public universities are spending money to keep up with the proverbial joneses at a rate unheard of in this century.  Some are needed.  Some are not.

If you asked someone who has $100,000 of debt coming out of undergrad, he or she likely would say it is not.

Where does that leave us?  Here’s what we can do:

• Vote for politicians who freeze tuitions
• Look for college with low admin to student ratios
• Maximize high school options for college credit
• Save like crazy
• Oppose any reforms (from state or federal governments) without matching funds because those reforms almost always are passed on to students in the form of tuition increases
• Support a moratorium on building unless it is funded by private dollars or a decrease in administrative positions or salaries
• Support more public funding for colleges

Every time I want to take the kids to Disney again, buy something expensive, or generally anytime I consider spending a lot of money..I think of that number: $600,000.  Probably will be here before you or I know it, and it’s going to be more expensive than a rational person could ever imagine.

Simple College Calculator

Buying Beef Directly from a Farmer (And Why You Should Do It Too)

For years, I would hear about a beef scare with the beef we eat (the most common meat in American and in our house) coming from disgustamundo place, contaminated and diseased.  I wouldn't eat it for a week.  This was easy when we lived in Chicago..so many choices..so good places to eat.  It was easy to stay away from gross beef.  Yuck.  And then..I had kids.  And I saw Food Inc.  It took me a full seven years, from when we had Chloe, to figure out how to buy beef from a farmer I knew.  Now that I have, I doubt I will go back.

I think a lot of the horse fed, organic, add $5/pound is nonsense.  There are safe and non-degenerate ways to make sure the cows don’t get sick.  I want to know the cows are raised in a decent environment where they won’t get sick or diseased.  I also want it to be as natural as possible. 

I want the money to stay in Michigan, where ¼ of the state’s jobs are in farming.  More than that, I’d like my money to go to a family owned, local farm.  I think having our food close at hand is important.

I’ve found it is cheaper than the variant prices at the grocery store.  Currently, beef is going crazy in terms of price.  I got a good deal on my beef, between 3 and 4 dollars per pound.  It saved me quite a bit over the long haul (we bought a quarter of a cow).

Some people really like the smell of food.  Others like the nutritional value.  I like the know where my food’s origins are.  To me, that is as important as the smell or the carbs.

So..how did I do it?

I talked to a local farmer I knew in Manchester.  I asked him about where I could buy beef.  In the end, he sold some beef directly to consumers.  I was able to buy it directly from him.  If I was not friends with a farmer, I would google the town where I live (Chelsea, MI) and beef farmer.  When I did this, I found 5 or 6 farms.  I’d just call around and find a place where you can drive by the farm.

Now, for us, we went out to where meet was butchered, in Jerome, MI.  For me, it was in the first week of baseball for the spring, so I turned on the Tiger game, rolled down the window, and took a drive into the country.  Some farmers do the drop off and pick up themselves.  I didn’t mind picking up.  We paid the farmer for the meat and the butcher for the cutting up of the meat.

We also bought a small freezer (Avanti) to hold the beef.  The freezer could be placed easily in the basement or garage.  We went with a quarter, and that filled up our freezer.  I looked at several options at the box stores and ended up ordering online.  No issues there.

The beef, which we have used for hamburgers on the grill to tacos has been off the hook.  The kids have even commented on how much better it is.  It is 30 to 40% cheaper.  We always have meat on hand.  For a family of three who are always growing and eating, it is perfect. 

When we went out to pay our beef supplier, I took the kids.  They turned up their noses (at first) at the smell.  He ended up showing us the cows and the farm.  Important connections for the kids. 

Once you get the system set up, though, you just repeat and it is pretty easy.  Definitely worth it.

The Great When To Keep Them Home Debate

It divides dads and mom.  It turns parents against the child care providers.  It pits bosses vs. subordinates.  Priorities battle other priorities.  It is the battle over whether or not a kid should go to school or daycare.

Before getting into policies or rules of thumb, I should mention no organization I’ve been charged with leading has ever fallen apart because I missed a day.  Or two days.  It can wear on support/office co-workers, so a sub is best if possible.  No matter how important I think I am, life goes on without me.

It also seems that it is better to call it off early.  Half of the problems I’ve run into when I’ve had to stay home with the kids are due to not having a plan in place and trying to juggle things too quickly.  My advice is make a call the night before and then be a peace with it.  Contact appointments, email instructions, and get everything straight and then avoid the taxing decision the following morning.

Who should stay home?

A straight on and off scale is equal, but not necessarily fair.  If Parent A has a big presentation that cannot be accomplished by someone else and is up, it makes more sense for the parent without the big presentation to take the day off.  However, this can lead to one parent taking off more than the other (if both work).  No one wants to keep score.  A general ledger of who stayed home and who did not seems like it could help (I have never done it, but it sounds like it could be helpful).

Why a child should stay home seems pretty standard across child care centers.  Fevers over 100, vomiting, diarrhea that is getting loose, rashes, and general discomfort all are reasons my kids have been asked to stay home.  Of course, on days when I have a particularly long checklist, I am skeptical of the 100 degrees; I feel like the vomiting is food poisoning and will go away; and the diarrhea is something they ate.

In the end, when the work has been transferred or left for another day, I get home and I am glad I am there with my miserable child.  As someone who has tried to manage healthy and sick children at the same time, I know that is really hard.  If I ran a school or day care center, I would not want the sick people around either.  There’s the germ reason.  There also is the fact that kids are just plain whiny when they are ill.  I wish it wasn’t true, but it is.  It’s hard to take care of 6, 8, or 10 kids when my kid is whining their head off

Stress is part of these decisions.  One way I’ve found to reduce stress in these situations is to be computer accessible (easy) and to make sure there are not many things that cannot be done without me at my office.  If people know how to do my job when I am not there, I don’t feel as guilty staying home.

This essay isn’t to say, at some point next winter, you won’t be pulling your hair out about your child being

suspended from child care for a dicey tummy.  However, the world goes and so will you.  Stay home with the kid as much as you can.  It won’t be long until it won’t be necessary.  No need to rush to that day.

Does it help to have one kid go to school/childcare to keep him/her healthy?

The answer is..I don’t know.  The not sick child eventually will have to come home.  To the sick child.  In theory, separating the sick from the well should improve the chances of contamination.  Good theory. For me, it never works.  By the time I load all the kids into the ride, go to child care, and then go back, the sick kid is miserable.  The well kid misses his brother and does not want to be left at child care.  AND..the well kid gets sick because children under 5 are germy creatures.  They play by each other.  The eat each other’s food.  It never works out for me.  If the child care was five minutes from my house, it might be worth it.  20 minutes?  Not worth it.  I just stress keeping away from the sicko.

What are back up back up plans?

It is nice to have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friendly neighbors able to pick up the slack on really hectic days.  If a parent can stay home, I advise them to do so.  If it is a must go to work day, a back up plan must be present.  There are “rent a nurse” services, but they are UBER expensive.   Relatives, especially retired ones, seem to be best.

Thanks for reading!!

Going Out To Eat Manifesto

Kids are hungry.  They are screaming in the back of the car.  They are whining like there is no tomorrow.  

On one hand, you know that the food you make at home, mostly, is better than the food kids get at restaurants.  The kids’ menu is often the same: pizza, nuggets, spaghetti.  On the other hand, time is getting late.  If there is anything worse than a tired and crabby child, it is a hungry, tired, and crabby child.  This piece will lay out what to consider when deciding whether or not to go out to eat.

Is there any research on this topic?  There is a lot on childhood nutrition.  I could not find anything on how often a family should go out or what kind of place of if it is important to gain manners from going out to eat.  

We'll just start with manners. All parents want their kids to have them.

So, yes, kids need manners.  They can learn those when a family goes out to eat, especially at a sit down restaurant.  Taking children out to eat seems more like a test than a method of teaching.  What matters is having kids practice manners every time they eat.  Waiting for food, eating neatly, cleaning up, and staying at the table are a few ones I like a lot.  This is an interesting article about how teaching children manners teaches them empathy.  That seems a little extreme.  Bottom line: taking kids out to eat does allow you to see how your work at home is going.  It doesn’t seem like a method, unless you are going out very frequently.

Fast food is bad for you. Gross.  Stomach disturbing.  Yet, kids love it.  Adults love it.  I try to hit delis and not fried food as much as possible.  I will admit, at least once every two weeks, Max, Will, and Chloe eat fast food.  It is a product of our overscheduled lives.  I would recommend trying to eat at sit-down restaurants as much as possible.

If you know how to follow directions, you can make a good meal at home (at half or a third of the cost).  Let’s say you’re averse or not skilled at following directions.  Here is my top five for those who struggle with cooking: spaghetti, tacos, sloppy joes, philly steak, and grilling (anything).  Even at nicer restaurants, the food quality will be lower than what you get at home because the restaurant has to pay people and also pay rent.

There also is the pampering factor of going out to eat.  I’ve only really experienced that since my kids were

4.  Up until then, I thought I would get to not cook or clean up, but the absence of those responsibilities was replaced by having to entertain the kids, take them to the bathroom, and try to keep them from running around the restaurant.  I guess it is a little better than cooking and cleaning up, but not by much.

It seems like going out to fast food is warranted when you’re traveling (perhaps hitting up one of those WTD with kids recommendations) and the kids are hungry.  When I plan a trip, I try to hit food that is different than what the kids have eaten.  For example, when we went to a museum in nearby Ann Arbor, I found a

place that sold Pho (Vietnamese chicken noodle soup) and stopped there on the way.  I cannot get motivated to drive 30 minutes just to eat.  But, to go to something fun and eat?  That I can drive to do.

There are a few places I almost always avoid: Chucky Cheese, Burger King, and Applebees.  This brings up a central truth: chains stink.  If one restaurant is all an owner has, he or she is likely to put his best effort into making everything there top notch.  I understand with franchises, some owners only have one.  I guess.  Because of circumstances, I occasionally break down and go to chains.  I find their food bland; their ambiance ambivalent; and the overall experience “meh.”  I try to avoid chains.

On the other hand, I can tell you this from experience, you don't want your kid to be sitting at a Taco Bell counter ordering a Tostada, hold the tomatoes, lettuce, and onions, or ordering a bean burrito, minus onions and sauce.  To get kids to be able to travel and work around the world, they have to be able to eat something more than a plain hamburger.

How often should a child go out to eat?  How often is too much?  It seems like it depends on the family’s lifestyle.  I try to eat at home as much as possible.  If the family is busy, it seems likely the family will eat out more.  My recommendation is try to make going out to eat intentional, so you stay at non-chain, fairly inexpensive, away from home restaurants.  These thoughts are foundational to all my reviews, which you will notice rarely are about restaurants in the town where I live.

Activities, Lessons, Weekly, Daily...What Should A Parent Do?

The time has finally come.  Maybe she’s 3.  Maybe he’s 4.  Maybe they’re.  Whenever the age, the question is how many lessons are enough to make your kid well rounded and capable of playing, creating, and enjoying anything life presents to him or her?  What should you do with your kid in this area?

To start, I should explain my wife and I decided before we had our first child that we both were going to work.  We both had expanding careers, spent a lot of money on advanced degrees, generally enjoyed our work, and wanted provide our kids with a certain way of life.  Sometimes it is great; sometimes it is not.  If one of us didn't work, there would be more time to get kids to activities, lessons, and experiences.  One key component of activities is they should fit into the whole family schedule, whatever that may be.

   

        First, you want to expose them to as many things as necessary.  I try to analyze any activity by  how much fun the activity might be.  I also think about if I can imagine my kid being successful.  For example, t-ball for my twin four year olds is unlikely to be successful.  If the boys could hit or pitch for the entire game, they might like it.  Sitting around in the field?  Probably not.

            Any activity for kids under the age of four should be action-packed and of a short duration.  I put the boys in soccer, with 30 minute games each Saturday.  Abysmal and not fun.  We would have practice before the game, working on the requisite skills.  They enjoyed that, playing the Swiper the Fox dribbling game, duck duck goal, and Thomas the train laps while kicking:  They liked that.  If I were to do it again, I would save myself the trouble and just play with them in the backyard until they turn four.

            A great positive in picking activities was bringing a friend.  My twins always have each other, but my daughter has taken almost all of her classes and activities with a friend who lives nearby.  Having the friend gave Chloe confidence and always someone to be “her partner” in the different activities.  It also makes it easy to ride share.  We do gymnastics; they do dance.  It halves the running around.

            I’d also suggest trying to stay close to home.  For me, I’d rather have Chloe play rec league basketball instead of a travel team.  Why?  5 minute commute makes every activity infinitely more fun for me.  Keeps my expectations where they should be.  It also keeps my options open for the rest of the day.

            I think other factors to consider are sleep.  If activities are cutting into the 10 hours sleep the child should be getting every night, then it goes too late or is too much.  Also, there is a need for unstructured time for kids.  Some brief research on downtime is detailed in this Scholastic article.

            I most love activities that are embedded in the school day.  For example, Chloe is in a running club right now that meets during her after school care time.  So, she goes to running club and then heads to her program.  Any time I don’t have to go out again, I am happy.  

            I also really recommend programs that are four to six weeks.  That way, you can try more activities and define interest levels. 

There is no direct research on what is enough for activities and how much is too much.  For 3 and 4 year olds, I would try to limit it to one activity at a time per year.  For 5 to 10 year olds, I like two at a time.  Do I always live that?  No, especially with multiple kids, it can be as much as anyone can do. 

Questions on activities?  Email me at kmowrer@gmail.com.